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| My eyes are tired, my mind is tired, I am tired.
But I can't sleep!
May I say, oh blog of mine, "what the fuck" with all and any artistic intent?
I have realized through sudden reflection that my recent blog entries, especially juxtaposed with those posted before, sound so pretentious. It's not a bad thing, I suppose; this is an outlet for my wonderful verboseness. Wonderful.
The definition of my life right now is simply "waiting for something to happen".
I'm tired of everyone (on different levels), although I do cherish my friends. Sometimes--no, often--over family.
Suburbia is so boring. If Suburbia were a book, it would contain the same words over and over again, a broken record, the same size font and the same color and no paragraphs and no commas or semicolons or any other punctuation
just like this
So we chase after scandal, lust for drama. What's more, we hide this fact from ourselves and the world, because God forbid someone discover our tendencies to harbor petty jealousies.
Speaking of God,
where is he?
Right now, he's a figment of my imagination.
Or maybe he's always been, and I just never knew. | | |
| Why. Why is it so ridiculously hot.
Yesterday reached 80 degrees, max, but today is sweat-like-a-pig, brain-shrivel-up type of weather. Twenty more degrees makes a huge difference.
I went to a pointless college fair. There weren't many schools I was interested in; then again, maybe it's just because I'm completely jaded and have little interest in my future anyway.
(It's the heat. It's the heat that's pressing down on me, slowly squishing all the common sense and optimism I had this morning.)
I stopped at a flashy booth advertising fashion majors, which appeals to my shamelessly gaudy side. That is to say, I love fashion (and cringe as I step into a long line of similarly gushy teenagers), and yet I am caught by these flashy, ridiculous, and quite hideous posters.
The two representatives were old. One was a grandma with hastily hidden roots and a droopy mouth smothered with bright pink lipstick. The other was a false blonde with a melting complexion; her face must have been injected again and again and again, and her skin, clogged with what looked like liquid foundation, seemed tired.
What
shall I do? | | |
| This is the most I have frequented Downtown in a week. Ever.
Today I went to Koreatown with my family and my cousin from Hong Kong. I had kimchi and beef tofu, mild, over rice. And refreshing barley tea.
What is it about urban lights that strikes me silent, I wonder? All artificial stars make me forget the silent streets of this city.
I think I need change, I need excitement, I need constant mind stimulation. Imagination (though implied to be the weapon of teenagery-angst) is important to me because nobody can see inside my head.
Of course, this is a pity sometimes. I dream the most surreal dreams; even consciously I cannot come up with such eloquent plots and beautiful architecture. But maybe it's for the best. Dreams from sleep translated to reality lose their profoundness, strangeness, and plain sense of vertigo.
I can't see Orion tonight. Maybe it's because winter has passed; it's almost summer. The loquat tree beneath my window has started to form buds.
If I could see my future, I would look once and choose to forget. | | |
| It's only been a year since I last posted, but it seems like eons.
I think I've grown in this time; after reading my older posts I feel...tired. I want to delete it all, and maybe I will. Right after this post.
Although things have changed, I'm still at the same place in this identity crisis: what do I like, what do I feel, what do I want to be?
I can't sleep, but I should.
My stomach hurts. Who the hell am I?
Have I grown up? Am I really going to resort to rhetorical questions to cyberspace?
My comfort zone is gone.
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| how! exciting! i'm! so! excited! a new xanga after (checks watch) a GAZILLION YEARS so! excited! and comfortable yay. well HAPPY NEW YEARS and soz i haven't been on for so loooooooooooooooooong yeah? i will kick this off by saying "keita tachibana has made it to 2007 as my pop idol." hee hee soomi would be proud, haha. just kidding. ANYWAY  the end of my first post here. <3, annie!! | | |
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